Mechanics - All about sex

When you choose to have sex, it is important that both you and your partner are ready for it. It is all about enjoying it but at the same time feeling comfortable with what types of touch you want and enjoy. Listen to your body – are you having a “no I don’t like this” kind of feeling or a “this is great” kind of feeling? You can change your mind at any time. You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing. Remember that having sex will not necessarily:

Make you more mature.
Give you better status with your friends.
Make your relationship stronger or closer.
Give you an orgasm or immense pleasure – or be terrible either.
Look like it did on TV or at the movies.

People often think that sex is only about penetration but there are lots of things you and your partner can do that don’t involve this. Make sure that what you do is what you really want and that it feels good for you. This involves talking with your partner about what feels good and sticking to what you want to do and what you feel comfortable with.

Sexy sensitive spots:

Lips and mouth
Neck and shoulders
Nipples and breasts
Inner arms – not necessarily the arm pits
Inner thighs and legs
Around and inside the vagina
The clitoris
Around the penis and scrotum
Around and inside the anus

These are all what are called erogenous zones – this means that touching or stroking these areas feels good.

Just because you are enjoying kissing and touching, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ready to have sex with your partner. If you do choose to become physically closer to your partner, there are low risk activities that you can both enjoy. Take your time and find out what works and feels good for you both.

Different strokes for different folks:

Stroking or rubbing your bodies together is called frottage. This can make you feel turned on and aroused. This can be done with your clothes on – some people might find this can bring them to orgasm.
Some like to put fingers inside the vagina
Some like the idea of the clitoris being stroked or rubbed
Some like to stroke the penis – this is also called a hand job
Mutual masturbation is done by touching each others genitals in a way that feels good. Partners often take turns doing this. If people choose to have oral sex they should use a condom or oral dam.

Masturbation

Masturbation (wanking) is stimulating genitals with hands or other objects such as a pillow or vibrator. It is a pleasurable way to learn about your body and what you like/don’t like.

Masturbation is:

A way to get sexual pleasure with or without a partner
To relieve sexual tension
To help us relax or sleep
To relieve pre-menstrual tension
A safe alternative to penetrative sex.

Masturbation is a normal, healthy activity. It can be done either alone or with a partner. It should be done in a private place such as a bedroom. It can help reduce spontaneous erections in adolescent males, and it won’t affect your fertility – a male won’t run out of sperm.

Vaginal, Oral, Anal Sex

If you have sex of any kind – oral, anal or vaginal - it needs to be safer sex. This means that you and your partner are protected against the risk of sexually transmissible infections (STIs) or from unintended pregnancy. If you are not ready to talk about sex with your partner, you might want to think carefully about whether you are really ready to have sex. Before you have sex for the first time, there are definitely a few things that need to be discussed.

Are we ready? How comfortable do we both feel about becoming intimate with each other?
Have either of you ever had sexual contact before? If so, perhaps you need to have check for Sexually Transmissible Infections (STIs) – remember, some STIs will have no signs or symptoms.
Protection – do you have condoms and lube? If not, who is going to get them?
Contraception – what options work best for both of you? Remember, it’s best to use condoms AND lube AND contraception until you are in a long-term committed relationship.
Timing – where and when do you want to have sex?
Wants, needs and limits. Have you talked about what kind of things you are okay to do, what things you don’t like and what you would like to try?
Consent – before you have any kind of sex, it is important to make sure that your partner has agreed. Either of you can say no at any time.

Vaginal Sex

Vaginal sex is when the penis is put into the vagina. This is what’s referred to as intercourse.

You can get pregnant from vaginal sex. It is important to properly use contraception if you are having vaginal sex.

You can get a sexually transmissible infection from vaginal sex. It is important to use a condom if you are having vaginal sex. Remember, that the condom needs to be put on before the penis comes near the vagina – as soon as the penis is erect there will be drops of pre-ejaculate on it which contain sperm.

Oral Sex

Oral sex is when you use your mouth to stimulate your partner’s genitals. Oral sex has different names to describe different activities and is sometime referred to as “going down” on someone. For example:

a blow job describes the sucking and licking of a penis. This is sometimes also called fellatio
the sucking or licking of a woman’s vulva is called cunnilingus

You can get a Sexually Transmissible Infection (STI) from oral sex. It is important to use a condom or oral dam if you are going to give oral sex of any sort.

Anal Sex

Anal sex is when the penis or another object such as a finger or sex toy is inserted into the anus. Anilingus – rimming – is oral contact with the anus. Anal tissue is very sensitive and touch can be pleasurable for some people.

You can get a Sexually Transmissible Infection (STI) from anal sex. It is important to use a condom if you are having anal sex. The anus lacks natural lubricant and easily damages. Use lube before inserting anything. Never force anything into the anus.

How can you tell if someone is turned on?

Being turned on is both a physical and an emotional experience. The physical changes are:

Female

Heart rate and blood pressure increases
Body muscles tense
The skin becomes red or flushed
Breathing may change
Nipples become erect
Blood moves towards the clitoris making it more sensitive and erect
Blood moves toward the labia making them swell up
The vagina will become lubricated

Male

Heart rate and blood pressure will increase
Blood will move towards the penis which will become erect or stiff
Veins in the penis will become more obvious
Pre-cum or pre-ejaculate fluid will leak from the end of the penis
If the foreskin on the penis is present (if the man hasn’t been circumcised) it will slip back
The testicles will swell and lift upwards
Breathing may change

Emotionally you might feel really connected to or in tune with your partner. You might want to touch them or have them touch you. You should feel safe and able to say what you want or what you don’t want.

Orgasm

An orgasm is also known as “coming”. In men it occurs when they ejaculate. Women can have more than one orgasm during the same sexual encounter. An orgasm is often described as a slow build up to a peak of excitement that cannot be held back any longer. You may or may not reach orgasm every time you have sex. Sex can be pleasurable without orgasm.