Relationships - Dealing with relationship break ups
When relationships end
A relationship can end for many different reasons. Breaking up is a hard thing to do but sometimes it’s the only way. If you are still deciding if it’s the right thing for you to do try making a list of the good things and the bad things about the relationship. If you feel the bad things are more important than the good things you might want to think about ending the relationship.
Be honest with your feelings
You are doing this for you and you need to listen to what you’re feeling. Are you getting what you put into the relationship? A good relationship is about a balance between two people.
Kind and gentle
The decision to break up might come as a shock to your partner. When you do tell them try and be as gentle as possible. Think about how you would want to hear the news. If it’s possible tell them in person – don’t use texts, Bebo or other sites to break the news to them.
Try not to get into an argument. If breaking up is your choice, stick to your decision and try not to get into a debate about it.
Abusive or unpredictable relationships
Sometimes you might not feel safe to tell your partner that you are deciding to break up with the. If you feel really uncomfortable alone with them, it might be a good idea to break up in a public place where there are people around.
Getting over it
When you break up you might feel sad, happy, free or relieved. It will take time to get over it – all your feelings for your ex.
Some ways to survive the end of a relationship
Express. Tell it, write it, draw it. Feel it – and do the next four things on this list as well! And always remember if it ever feels like the going is getting way too tough, or you feel like nothing is helping, phone a counsellor, make an appointment to see someone – there are always people to help.
Analyse. Think about it. Be honest. Take a really good look at the connections there were between you both. Are you sure that the relationship was working well for both of you? Chances are, if one person’s needs weren’t being met then the other person’s probably weren’t either. No relationship comes with a set of a guidelines and a map. People don’t intend to let you down, just like you don’t intend to let them down. Nobody has the perfect relationship. We all make mistakes. That’s how we learn. Take a really good look at what happened to get the learning, not to point the finger.
Self Talk. If you say nasty things to yourself often enough, you’ll have a mood to match. Whose side are you on anyway? If you’re not on your own side, of course you’ll be depressed. Look out for yourself and give yourself some positive talk. Look to the future.
Express Some More. Don’t be afraid if those feelings stick around. If something meant a lot to you, then it’s respectful and appropriate to grieve over it. You might not forget what happened, but you will find it gets a little easier as time passes, and as you focus on your life again.
Do Your Own Thing. Be you. Start a sport, get a haircut, listen to your own music. Do things that strengthen you, and make you feel good. If the hurt or guilt keep coming back, picture it in your mind as a bundle of thoughts that need a good strong box around them. Only open the box when you’ve got the time and support to help you. Picture yourself firmly closing the box, so you can get on with your new life.