Relationships - Making sexual activity enjoyable
What women should know about men
Here are some things that women should understand about men:
- Arousal generally doesn’t take as long
If you’re in a sexually active relationship with a man, surprise contact with his genitals (initiating sex by rubbing the front of his pants or backing up against him) can feel good in a way that it probably would not for you. So, at least on a physical level, taking the initiative sexually is actually easier for you to do than it is for him to do.
- Firm contact can feel good
Men differ in how firm contact can be with their penis and scrotum/testicles and still feel good. Sometimes a light teasing touch can be very erotic, inducing quite a bit of desire for more, and sometimes firm contact (that is, much more than would probably feel good to you on your clit) can feel fantastic.
- Sex after ejaculation is generally less fun
After ejaculation, men tend to have a period of time where it takes a while before he can get an erection again. Men differ in how long this period of time will last, but it does represent a difference between men and women that it’s good to be aware of. This is why women can have multiple orgasms – they can stay aroused and climax a few times.
What men should know about women
Here are some things that men should understand about women:
- Clitoral stimulation is usually needed for orgasm
The clitoris is made of a tissue that becomes erect when a woman is sexually aroused. Its sole function is for sexual pleasure. Most women will need to have the clitoris stimulated to achieve an orgasm. For some women the clitoris can be too sensitive to touch.
- Lube makes sense for penetrative sex
The reality is that penetrative sex generally feels better for women when everything is nice and slippery. Although the vagina does produce natural lubrication during sexual arousal, most women find that vaginal penetration of any kind feels better with just a little bit more lube. Lubricant also helps reduce the chance of the condom breaking or getting cystitis (an infection in the bladder).
- Arousal often takes longer
On average, it takes longer for women to get aroused than men. This means that it’s better to take your time – especially at the beginning of sex.
What is good sex?
Here are some factors which contribute to a good sexual relationship:
- Being Ready – being sure, having no regrets, right time, right person, right place
- Being Turned On – being emotionally and physically ready
- Being Safe – protected against infections and, if it’s with the opposite sex – protected against pregnancy
Communication is key to good sex and a healthy relationship. It means being able to tell your partner how you feel. It’s about understanding and reading your partner’s feelings, needs and desires.
But it’s essential to talk about sex and sexual safety, preventing unwanted pregnancy, using contraception and getting sexual health checks for STIs. Once you’ve talked and got organised around these things it makes what ever you choose to do more safe, pleasurable and enjoyable.
A great communicator makes a better lover. Don’t expect your partner to just read your mind, say what you want and don’t want.
Consent is a must. Consent is when both people agree to the activity.
At any time you can change a ‘yes I want that’ to ‘no please stop’ and expect to be respected. Also just because you said ‘yes’ once to a partner, it doesn’t mean it has to be ‘yes’ every time.
If you want to say ‘no’ make it clear that you don’t want something. You can say things like:
- I like this kissing but don’t want to do anything else
- I really like you but don’t want anything else
- This doesn’t feel right just now
- Can we slow down
- I want to do this with you, but right now is not the time.